Before I became a wife, I was a dominatrix. In my dungeon, I learned more about men than most women ever get to see. I saw what happens when their guard drops, and when the mask they wear for society comes off. So let me tell you that he truth shows up when you stop talking and start observing. Silence is a strategy. It is not cold. It is not manipulative. It is wise.
Silence isn’t about playing games, it is about holding your power. When I was dating, it was how I stopped wasting time on emotionally unavailable men. It was how I began dating from my center and not my wounds. It was how I stopped pouring myself into men who hadn’t earned my energy. And ultimately, it was how I attracted the man who became my husband.
So if you’re exhausted by dating and wondering why you keep attracting men who disappear, change up or drain your energy, I want you to lean into a new way of thinking. You don’t need to say more; you need to say less. Let me guide you. Read below to learn more about why silence is your most underestimated dating power.
@venuscuffs “Confessions from a Former Dominatrix.” Ladies, it’s time to harness the power of silence. If you are interested in consulting with me, visit venuscuffs.com and submit an inquiry. 🪩🥂 #datingadvice #venuscuffs #dating ♬ original sound - Venus Cuffs| YT & IG
Silence Reveals the Truth
Most women talk themselves out of clarityand will make excuses for men in the early stages of dating But here is the truth, honey. The less you speak, the more he shows you. When you stop filling the space, his actions become the message. If he wants to see you, he’ll make plans. If you go quiet and the connection fades, it was never real to begin with. If he wants to, he will. Allow his actions to do the talking. In the meantime, your silence lets you study his patterns,his consistency and his effort. Remember this if you remember nothing else: Words can lie, patterns don’t.
Oversharing Too Early Gives Away Your Power
I’ve watched so many women spill their entire life story on the first few dates. I’m talking childhood trauma, relationship history, insecurities and even financial struggles, because they feel like vulnerability is the path to connection. But all it does is hand over your personal blueprint to a man who hasn’t proven he’s safe with it. It may even be used against you if you aren’t careful.
When you give too much too soon, you give him the tools to manipulate your emotions. He now knows what to say to make you feel seen. He now knows what makes you tick. He knows exactly how to fool you to get what he wants from you.
Silence protects your emotional intimacy. It tells a man, “You need to earn access to the deeper parts of me.” That is power.
Silence Helps You Respond, Not React
When a man pulls away, flakes or sends mixed signals, most women panic. They reach out, asking what’s wrong. They try to repair something that hasn’t even been defined yet. That emotional chasing only creates a power imbalance, and you end up chasing someone who has proven they aren’t into you.
Instead, go silent. Learn the art of detachment, and put the focus back on yourself. When you pull back, you give yourself space to evaluate the situation clearly. Get quiet and observe him, because you are no longer reacting. You are now responding from a place of self-respect.
From my experience, what often happens is that he’ll start to chase, wondering, “What is she doing?.” Silence disrupts his expectations. You are no longer feeding the dynamic anymore. You are now unpredictable. That makes him realize he could actually lose you. If he’s serious, he’ll come correct. If he’s not, you just saved yourself months of confusion. Either way, honey, you win.
Mystery Creates Magnetism
Men are wired to pursue. If you offer up your entire life story too quickly — where you work, what you want, how your last three exes broke your heart — you've taken away the thrill of the chase. Your mystery is gone. You’ve made yourself emotionally available before he’s earned any of it. What does he have left to chase? Mystery isn’t about manipulation at all. It is about intentional and intelligent curation. Give him enough to be intrigued, but not so much that there’s nothing left to learn. He should earn the next layer of your story. Your life should unfold like a book he has to read, rather than a summary he can skim. Don’t cheapen your existence. You are the prize, so act like it! When you move with mystery, you give him a reason to lean in. To wonder. To show up with more intention.
Silence Is the Highest Form of Self-Respect
You don’t beg. You don’t chase. You go quiet. And again, for the ladies in the back, stop arguing. When you argue with men you lose your power. By arguing, they know they still emotionally have you right where they want you. Silence sends a clear message: I value my peace more than I value being chosen.
When someone disrespects you or starts pulling away, don’t match them by pulling away.Redirect that focus back onto yourself, because that’s how you keep your crown on straight. When you realize this is the best way to deal with men, you will start to feel foolish arguing with them.
Venus Cuffs is a relationship coach, event producer and former dominatrix from New York.
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